Infidelity

This article is for married men and women who are ignorant of fidelity.  Now before you say to yourself “That’s not me…I’m not ignorant about fidelity”, be absolutely sure that you know what I’m speaking about before you stop reading any further.

Fidelity defined: faithfulness to a moral obligation, pledge, promise or vow.  It implies complete submission; complete entrusting; and complete allegiance to that which you have committed yourself to.  The key word in this definition is COMPLETE.

Therefore, can you say that you have been completely faithful in the fulfillment of your marital vows to your spouse since the day you said: “I Do”?  If you can say “Yes I have” then you can stop reading, but let me challenge you to consider one more thing before you do.  The word complete implies total; nothing lacking.  Can you say with assuredness that you have never fallen short in your words, thoughts or deeds concerning fidelity with your spouse?

Humm…I thought you couldn’t.  Let’s learn something then about the word fidelity and how we have many times missed the mark in our marital relationships by manifesting infidelity in ways we never thought we were.

By its definition, fidelity is not confined to marriage.  It is a condition that is applicable to any commitment.  Infidelity then would mean there was a breach in faithfulness concerning a promise, pledge, vow or moral obligation to someone that resulted in a violation of the commitment of fidelity between the parties involved.

So, when we use infidelity in the context of marriage, we must replace the misconception that the word implies only having sexual relations outside the covenant of marriage.  There is a much deeper significance we must come to understand.

It is easy for us to focus on issues of adultery, substance abuse, gambling, physical and verbal abuse as behaviors that undergird marital discourse.  These are like “bombs” that explode in our faces.  As a result, they are not hard to identify.  They are extremely devastating to any marital covenant.  But there is another “villain in the camp” that we pay very little attention to.  This villain is subtle and appears innocuous but brings a sense of anesthesia into relationships that cause a gradual state of emotional numbness to develop.  The villain’s name is Mr. Erosion, aka Mr. Drip/Drip/Drip.

You know how he works.  I’m sure you’ve seen him do his thing in nature.  He’s that constant drip of water that keeps striking in the same spot on the earth, and over time, erodes the soil it’s been pounding on to create a crevice that penetrates deep into the ground.  Can you recall seeing his works?

Well, did you know that he likes to abide in marital relationships also?  Instead of water, he uses things like impatience; unkindness; jealousy; envy; boastfulness; pridefulness; haughtiness; selfishness; rudeness; demanding one’s own way; irritability; or holding records of wrongs.

Through these areas, he develops insensitivities between husband and wife.  Each tries to initially co-exist with these insensitivities, but as time goes on in the marriage they find themselves emotionally distancing from each other.   One insensitivity leads into another and the intensity of the insensitivity grows; more distancing occurs until there becomes an emotional “crater” existing between them.  You begin hearing one of them say: “He doesn’t love me like he use to” or “She doesn’t show me respect anymore” or “We don’t seem to connect with each other anymore” or “We are always arguing over the little things”.

In my tenure as a biblical counselor, I have encountered numerous marital cases that were byproducts of these emotional erosions.  The geography of the crater that these couples present in counseling is often times very deep, very jagged and very treacherous.  For the spouse who has fallen into that crater, negotiating the terrain back to the surface isn’t easy because of the extent of emotional numbness that exists.

Do you remember the vows you made to your spouse on your wedding day?   When was the last time you took an inventory of them?     The covenant of marriage is the most basic of relationships established by God.  He expects us to be virtuous in that covenant.  If you don’t remember what you vowed, how can you guard against Mr. Erosion?

What specifically did you vow to your spouse?  Was it to love and cherish and care for?   Was it to honor, obey and respect?  Was it to be there for your spouse in sickness and in health?  Was it to forsake all others?  Fidelity is the cornerstone of any relationship. Does it matter to you that God expects you to be virtuous in his covenant?

Let me give you a homework assignment that will complete your schooling on fidelity.  Meditate on the following scripture passage from the Living Bible, and then write a letter to your spouse relating what the Holy Spirit has revealed to you about your role in the marital covenant.

Ephesians 5: 21-27, 33 (TLB)

{21} Honor Christ by submitting to each other. {22} You wives must submit to your husbands’ leadership in the same way you submit to the Lord. {23} For a husband is in charge of his wife in the same way Christ is in charge of his body the Church. (He gave his very life to take care of it and be its Savior!) {24} So you wives must willingly obey your husbands in everything, just as the Church obeys Christ. {25} And you husbands, show the same kind of love to your wives as Christ showed to the Church when he died for her, {26} to make her holy and clean, washed by baptism and God’s Word; {27} so that he could give her to himself as a glorious Church without a single spot or wrinkle or any other blemish, being holy and without a single fault. {33} So again I say, a man must love his wife as a part of himself; and the wife must see to it that she deeply respects her husband – obeying, praising, and honoring him.

Stop the erosion in your marriage.  Renew your wedding vows by restating them to each other.  Do it soon.  Do it this weekend.  Send the kids to a sitter and go for a weekend getaway.  Dress up.  Go to dinner.  Create an atmosphere of intimacy.  Speak life back into your marriage by vowing to each other that you will protect the fidelity of each vow.  Commit to edifying each other every day.  Commit to love and honor and respect your covenant of marriage.  Commit to letting infidelity be a thing of the past.

I pray that you were able to digest this and I pray that God gives you the courage and desire to revive the flame that was ignited between you and your spouse on the day you entered into His blessed covenant of marriage.

Don’t smother me, give me room to breathe

Christians are commanded to reach out to unbelievers and share the gospel message of Jesus Christ.  This is a truth stated by Jesus in the Gospel of Matthew prior to His ascension into heaven.

Matthew 28:18-20 (NIV)

18Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

 What I find interesting is that Jesus did not tell us how to do this, He just told us to do it.

In light of this, I have seen many Christians evangelize their faith by drowning their hearers in Scripture verses. I have also seen it done by debating with the hearer.  I have seen it done by critically passing judgment on the hearer because of their unbelief.  Very rarely have I seen evangelizing done by demonstrating love to the hearer.

An unbeliever needs to be allowed to disclose their many preconceptions concerning God, life, death, sin, etc.  They need time to explain their condition to you, otherwise, they will withdraw from the discussion and you will have lost a valuable opportunity to effectively witness to them about the love of Christ.

The Bible gives us a great example of a technique we should use when speaking with an unbeliever.

Acts 17:19-23 (NIV)

19Then they took him and brought him to a meeting of the Areopagus, where they said to him, “May we know what this new teaching is that you are presenting? 20You are bringing some strange ideas to our ears, and we want to know what they mean.” 21(All the Athenians and the foreigners who lived there spent their time doing nothing but talking about and listening to the latest ideas.) 22Paul then stood up in the meeting of the Areopagus and said: “Men of Athens! I see that in every way you are very religious. 23For as I walked around and looked carefully at your objects of worship, I even found an altar with this inscription: TO AN UNKNOWN GOD.  Now what you worship as something unknown I am going to proclaim to you.”

 The Apostle Paul took time to study, observe and examine his audience in Athens.  Only when he was able to pinpoint a starting point for his dialogue with them did he present the gospel.  Because of this approach, he was able to hold their attention and “plant” the necessary seeds of the gospel message.  There is much we can learn from this approach.

When was the last time you took inventory of how you witness to an unbeliever?  Are you smothering them with information that is foreign to them?  Remember, the language of the Bible and many of the words you use are of the kingdom of God, not the kingdom of this world.

Therefore, it is a foreign language most of the time to an unbeliever.

Or are you finding that you pay no attention to the sinner’s worldview; how they think and reason.  Remember, you need to let the Holy Spirit show you where the “soft” spot is in the heart of the sinner you are trying to witness to – that is your entry for the gospel.

Another point of consideration is the outcome you expect when you witness.  Is it that the hearer immediately gives their life to Christ at the conclusion of your encounter or is it that you have successfully planted or watered a seed of faith in their heart?  Remember, it is only our duty to tell them of the good news; it is God who softens their hearts and leads them to Christ.

A Point to Ponder…

A born again believer in Jesus Christ is anyone who puts their faith totally in Jesus Christ as their personal Savior and Lord.  It is someone who is said to have “entrusted” Jesus Christ with their entire life; to have committed themselves to Him because of what He has done for them and what He has promised them.

He has paid the penalty for their sinful nature by dying on the cross at Calvary which satisfied the righteous requirement of the law and as a result paved the way for all who believe in Him to be eternally forgiven of their sin and to be resurrected with Him unto eternal life with the Godhead at the end of the age.

This is the foundation of the Christian faith;  the rock of truth that every born again believer stands on with expectant hope.

Now, people don’t usually put their trust in something or someone who cannot deliver the “goods” so to speak; especially if it involves their very life.  If the person or thing falters on what was promised, they usually will disconnect themselves from them; move away from them; give up on them; or disown them, just to name of few of the possible responses.  They do this because they have lost “faith” in that person’s ability or the ability of the thing they relied on to deliver what was promised.

Though this behavior of giving up on someone or something for not fulfilling a promise is consistent with being human, it is not a behavior that is consistent with God.  Though people may fail to fulfill their promises to one another, God never fails to fulfill His promises to those who love Him and who receive Him as their personal Savior and Lord.

Ponder these verses of Scripture:

Numbers 23:19 (NIV):  God is not a man that He should lie, nor a son of man that He should change His mind.  Does He speak and then not act?  Does He promise and not fulfill?

2Timothy 2:11-13 (NIV):  Here is a trustworthy saying: If we died with Him, we will also live with Him; if we endure, we will also reign with Him.  If we disown Him, He will also disown us; if we are faithless, He will remain faithful, for He cannot disown Himself.

Why not then, consider giving your life to the One who can save you from eternal damnation.  To the One who promises and always fulfills His promises. To the One who did for you what you couldn’t do for yourself.  To the One who promises you an eternal life, free of sin and corruption and defilement.  An eternal life of fellowship with the One who created you and loved you to the point of dying for you so you could be reconciled and made holy.

In the climate of today’s relativism, it behooves you to ponder this thought; this piece of truth that can bring you to hope with an expectant joy that the world cannot give you, or promise you.

Give your life to Jesus Christ, the only one who can save you from eternal damnation in the Lake of Fire and eternal separation from the one who loved you enough to die for you…

If you want to learn more about salvation, go to this link: “What Is Salvation” 

Eternal Directives…

The inspired Word of God is very specific about its directives to all born again believers in Jesus Christ.

In Matthew 28:19,20 we are directed to go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit and to teach them to obey everything Jesus has commanded us.

In Mark 16:15 we are directed to go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation.

In Luke 24:46-47 we are reminded that the Christ will suffer and rise from the dead on the third day, and repentance and forgiveness of sins will be preached in his name to all nations, beginning in Jerusalem.

Why is it then that there are so many born-again believers in Jesus Christ who pay more attention to “worldly” nonsense than to the “eternal” message of Jesus Christ?  Why are there so many believers who would rather “preach” a message of “abundant life” than the message of “repentance and forgiveness of sins”?

If not for the “cross of Christ” we would all still be lost, condemned, cursed and eternally separated from God.  This is the message that we are instructed to tell people; this is the message that brings hope into the life of every person wanting to be reconciled to God.  Why aren’t born again believers doing what the Lord has commanded them to do, now that they have received the gift of the Father’s grace?

Don’t be complacent because you are “saved” and “redeemed”.  Don’t be insensitive to the condition of those who are still “lost” and “separated” from God.  Walk in the shadow of the compassion that was shown to you by the Father and Jesus Christ; walk in the gratitude of the love that was demonstrated by Christ on the cross.  Pay more attention to the message that holds eternal consequences and less time on the messages of this world that have no significance.

Show the love for your neighbor by preaching to them their need for repentance so that they too may receive forgiveness of sins, eternal life, and redemption; and be more willing to teach them in the way of sanctification.

Remember: The Lord is not wanting for anyone to perish, but for everyone to come to repentance. (2Peter 3:8-9)

Memory and Forgiveness

In this blog, I am going to present an academic view and a practical perspective, on how the capacity of our memory influences our decisions to forgive and forget an offense that someone has committed against us.

Have you ever thought about how the memories you have concerning an offense influence the decisions you make about forgiving or forgetting?

Ever consider what power your memory exerts over your behaviors, emotions, and thoughts?

If the truth is told, without memory there would be no need to worry about forgiveness, because you would not be able to remember that an offense ever occurred.

What do I mean by that statement?

Well, before I can give insight into the meaning, I must first lay down this foundation:

All memory does is to recall all of our experiences; specifically our past experiences.

MEMORY recalls THE HISTORY OF OUR LIVES

Now here’s the academic view:

The Merriam-Webster dictionary classifies the word memory as a noun and uses a definition that fits our context:  It says that:

“Memory is the power or process of reproducing or recalling what has been learned and retained especially through associative mechanisms.”

It goes on to say that:

“Memory is the store of things learned and retained from an organism’s activity or experience as evidenced by modification, structure, or behavior or by recall and recognition.”

As this definition implies, memory is the foundation for all learning, conditioning, habits, behaviors, and thoughts.

Without the capacity of memory, you would only know how to live for the moment, and that moment would be a new moment, every moment.

For when that moment was over, without a memory, you would not be able to recall it.  It would be gone, non-existent; like it never happened.

But through the process or power of memory, you are able to recall what happened at that moment that had just passed.

You see, memory is needed to bring back to mind those things of your yesterday.

Memory is always past tense, and it is a very critical component of what your present and future tenses can be.

Now consider this interesting insight about “man.”

His experiences of yesterday are the things that influence his here and now; his today.

His yesterday experiences give meaning to his present, here and now, and consequently, help him decide what he has to do in his current situation or in the future.

Therefore “man,” in addition to always learning new things from moment to moment is always in a state of reacting to things or modifying things by recalling past experiences of those things every second of every day of his life.

His world is one of not just continual enlightenment as he relates to those things that are in his environment, or with people whom he interacts, it is a world dominated by present and future decisions that are influenced by past experiences.

The acronym:

“(M)y (E)nlightened (M)ind (O)nly (R)emembers (Y)esterday” …

Is a phrase the Lord gave to me to use for the word “memory.”

Therefore, with regard to forgiveness; when someone offends me, it immediately becomes a historical event one second after it happens.

The incident is then immediately stored in the mind of both the offender and the offended.

It is locked away with all of the particulars that were connected to it; (such as words, emotions, actions, thoughts, sights, smells, sounds, etc.) – all locked away.  It is now historical.

It is something that happened in the past.  It can never be physically relived, only mentally remembered.   It is something that has happened – not something that is happening.

So, thus far, we have successfully laid the foundation that gives meaning to our opening statement which was: If the truth is told, without memory there would be no need to worry about forgiveness because you would not be able to remember that an offense ever occurred.

Therefore, one must rely on the recollection of this historical data in order to bring resolve to the issue of offense.  Without this information, without this memory of the offense, no knowledge of an offense would ever exist.

Think for a moment about this precious capacity of memory we have.  What a wonderful capacity the Lord has given to us.

It is something we use to remind us of where we have been, what we have done, what we have said, what we have learned;

It is something we use to remind us of where we have failed, where we have succeeded, where we have error, where we have fault;

It is something we use to remind us of where we are strong, where we are weak, where we are vulnerable, what we like and what we don’t like.

I believe with the utmost assurance that the capacity of memory is one of the many vital capacities the Lord has equipped us with for growth and maturation not only as human beings but as Christians.

Let us take a look at another academic view of how the Lord tells us to use this capacity of memory in the area of forgiving and forgetting.

First, let us build another foundation by looking at the definitions of both words – Forgive and Forget

The word “Forgive” is a verb (an action word) that has three definitions which say:

  1. To cease to feel resentment against (an offender): pardon.
  2. To give up resentment of or claim to requital.
  3. To send forth, send away, let go from

The implication of these definitions is that a volitional, purposeful, and intentional decision is made to cease to feel resentment; to give up resentment and to let go from oneself.

The word “forget” is also a verb (an action word). BUT we must use its proper form if we are to understand how God uses it in context with the verb forgive.  That verb form would be the intransitive form of the verb which says:

To cease remembering or noticing.  The implication is that a volitional, purposeful, and intentional choice has been made not to remember or bring to mind the offense.

Now, let us put all of this together.

Memory influences our decisions to grant forgiveness or to forget an offense because it precisely brings to mind the entire travesty of the offense, which could and many times does hinder any of our efforts to resolve and/or reconcile our relationship with the one who has offended us.

As the offender, our memories are of all the precipitating circumstances that brought us to the point of committing the offense.

As an offender, our memories could be of that desire we had for selfish gain at the expense of another; or that desire we had to hurt, harm, or destroy the person because of prideful motivations we had, or maybe our memories are cloudy and confused from an unwitting innocence.

As the offended, our memories are of all the emotional hurt, physical hurt, financial loss, personal violation, betrayal, injustice, anger, disappointment, which we suffered.

Memory recalls these historical facts – brings them to mind, BUT it stops there.

Memory only reminds us of those facts.  Memory does not make us act on those historical facts; something else does.

So that brings us to the crossroad.  Regardless of whatever perspective we come from (offender or offended), the question is what decisions are we to make concerning the historical facts of the offense, what are we to do?

Now the practical perspective is this:

As born-again believers in Jesus Christ, we are to simply be obedient to what Jesus has commanded us to do in the area of forgiving and forgetting an offense.

Even though many will say that there has to be more to it than that, in reality, for the born-again believer, it is the only practical answer.

And just how is that played out?

As the one who was offended – you must make a volitional, purposeful, and intentional decision to choose to forgive and let go from yourself the feelings of resentment toward the offender (when you have had your heart healed and restored by the Lord), and to also volitionally, purposefully, and intentionally choose to biblically forget by not bringing the offense to mind.

As the one who did the offense – you must make a volitional, purposeful, and intentional decision to go and be reconciled to the person you have offended by confessing your guilt and asking for their forgiveness.

Understand that reconciliation can only come from the offended, not the offender.

The syntax is: “go and be reconciled”, notgo and reconcile” – Matthew 5:23.

You might be saying right now: That is not the answer.  Elder, you have no clue.

Well, you are 100% correct. As a human being, I have no clue, BUT my creator and Lord does. He has the just, righteous, and holy answer.

To the offended:   He tells you in Matthew 6:14-15 –

“that if you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you.  But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

To the one who offended someone:   He tells you in Matthew 5:23-24 –

“that if you are standing before the altar in the Temple, offering a sacrifice to God, and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, 24leave your sacrifice there beside the altar.  Go and be reconciled to that person.  Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.”

You see after all the emotions have died down and you have returned to your ability to think rational thoughts, then as a born-again believer in Jesus Christ, you are left with only one thing to do and that is to obey what Jesus has commanded.

You are to forgive and forget offenses committed against you as the Lord has commanded you, even though the knowledge of the historical facts are locked away in the memory banks of your mind.

And those facts will always be there because they are facts that actually occurred. But it should be your heart’s desire to do what God has commanded if you are born-again.

Scripture says:

“And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live.  Remember, He has identified you as His own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption.  Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”  (Ephesians 4:30-32)

And

“Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you.  Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.”   (Colossians 3:13)

Therefore “Memory”:

  1. Stores all of our past experiences.
  2. Reminds us of those experiences.
  3. Reminds us also of what the Lord has commanded us to do, especially in the area of forgiving and forgetting an offense.
  4. Reminds us also of the love, grace, and mercy of our Father in heaven and what He has done for us in forgiving our sins and reconciling us back to Himself.

So now you can see what role memory plays in our decision making.

MEMORY ONLY ACTS AS A REMINDER OF WHAT HAPPENED 

The heart is what motivates us to do in response to our memory.  And our heart’s desire should always be to honor the Lord and bring glory to His precious name by following His command to forgive as the Lord has forgiven you.

So, take some time and marinate on this instructional message and I pray that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.  Amen

The Battle Is More Real Than You Think

To forgive someone is an act of your will and a finished work of Christ in your heart.  Literally, it is releasing someone from the penalty of their offense against you.  Though they are guilty of the offense and rightly are indebted to you to meet the punishment connected with the offense, you make the decision from your heart to remit them from the debt.

Now, this all sounds simple, and with the grace of God working in you, it is, but many times we make it more complicated than it has to be because we fail to do what needs to be done to win the battle.

Consider this:  Before one can come to this point of resolve, one must overcome the battle that rages inside of themselves that follows an offense.  The battle is with their flesh; with their soulish realm, for the flesh wants payback, revenge, perverted justice and punishment to come upon the offender for what they did.

One must win the battle over their flesh in order to succeed in the area of forgiveness.

Understand, your flesh “talks” to you very convincingly about keeping alive your resentment and anger.  Even though you may plead the blood of Christ over your mind, thoughts, and emotions, your flesh perseveres to keep alive the perverted desires that come from your self-righteousness, and you can find yourself having a debate with your flesh about what you should and should not do to your offender even when you have made up your mind to forgive.

This debate can go on for days and even years at a time if you have not learned how to crucify your flesh.  And if you ever lose this debate you can find yourself sinning against God by not demonstrating the conduct of heart He commands of those who have been offended.

You see this battle is real and it happens in the mind.  Every one of us steps into this battle the moment we are offended or transgressed against.  No one escapes it, yet there are some who have learned to do what the Lord has commanded us to do with ungodly thoughts and desires.

We are told in 2Corinthians 10:5 that –

“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ”. 

The Lord tells us to be mindful of those self-righteous arguments that we say to ourselves:

“They had no right doing that to me, I’ll get them for that”

or

“I’ll kill you for what you’ve done to me, I hate you”

These thoughts have to be arrested.  They must be brought under the obedience of Christ because they go against the knowledge of God.  That means we must rethink those thoughts and replace them.

We must capture each one and “make it” obedient unto Christ.

“I’ll get them for that” becomes “God will avenge me”.

“I hate you” becomes “I love you because you are my neighbor but I don’t like what you did”. 

If we are going to defeat this flesh we must have faith in the spiritual weaponry we possess.  We must trust in the power that Christ has over the devil to demolish our ungodly patterns of thought.

You see, the battle is won by not allowing the thoughts of revenge, payback, punishment, etc. to run wild inside of your thinking.  The battle is won when you capture every one of those thoughts and make them obedient to what Christ has told you to do toward your offender or your enemy or someone who persecutes you.

Christ will bring those thoughts into submission inside your heart once you have arrested them and you will then find victory over them.  So don’t get frustrated if you find yourself battling with thoughts of whether to forgive or not.

Just follow 2Corinthians 10:5 and watch the Lord fight for you.

Repentance is still required in our daily lives…

This message might conflict with your theology but it is on point biblically.  Here’s the point:  Forgiveness rides on the heels of rebuke and repentance.

There is an interplay that has to happen in the life of the offender if he/she is ever going to be forgiven of an offense.  That interplay is between being rebuked and responding in repentance.

Rebuking someone is a “taboo” nowadays.  Many people feel it is a form of judging and therefore shy away from it.  Well, this only shows the extent of their illiteracy as it pertains to kingdom dynamics.

To rebuke is to criticize adversely or sharply.  It brings the person face to face with the wrongness of their words, actions or motivations and opens the door to conviction.

Without conviction concerning the wrongness of one’s actions there can be no desire to change.  No desire to repent.  Without conviction an offender could believe that their wrongful actions are fine and acceptable behaviors.

Conviction of conscience, mind and heart are what brings about change or repentance in the life of an offender.

Going a little further, this rebuking process happens on three different levels.

  1. Within the person’s conscience
  2. From the presence of the Holy Spirit residing in the person
  3. From another person.

Regardless of where it originates from, it does go on, everyday, in every person.  Most people just don’t want to admit to it.

So, if rebuking has been done in the proper manner, the offender should be at a point of conviction that they have offend God first, and not the person, for their  wrongful actions. Why? Because any and all sins against our neighbors are violations of God’s commandment.

That being said, the offender repents to God initially.  What does that mean?  It means they have changed their understanding and comprehension of their wrong doing.  That they have realized, accepted and replaced their sinful motivation for a godly motivation toward the one they have offended.   He/she confesses their waywardness in this situation and asks to be forgiven of God.

According to 1John 1:9 we know that God will forgive the offender and purify him of all unrighteousness.

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”  (NIV)

The next thing for the offender to do is to address the person he/she has offended.  This is where the command in Luke 17:3 comes into play:

…if thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him. (KJV)

The last point that needs to be made is that man can only affirm what has already happened in heaven.  Forgiveness happens there first by God and then through the authority He has given to man (John 20:23) it is carried out here on earth.

“If you forgive anyone his sins, they are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven.” (NIV)

So you see forgiveness happens only after repentance has occurred in the life of the offender; and that repentance is the change in moral reorientation of the soul where the offender acknowledges the error of his/her ways and turns toward the divinely prescribed way of truth and righteousness of God.

God’s commands are still alive and powerful.  They still move the believer in the path of righteousness for His name sake.

Don’t be deceived by the world’s philosophies or pattern of thinking.  Listen to what the Holy Spirit says to you in your heart; do what He tells you to do and honor your Father in heaven as a result of your obedience.

Repentance is still a requirement of the Lord; even today.